So you’re here because you just got out of a relationship and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Never fear! I’m here with the best advice I could possibly give you about the subject. We are both in the same wagon right now, you may be a little further than me or you may have broken up yesterday, but I really think that we can help each other feel better here. Before I get into the post, I want to say that I’m going to be using “she” as the person broken up with and “he” as the break-upper but that’s just because it’s my own personal experience, this post relates the same to any kind of relationship or friendship that had a bad falling out.
First thing first! Understanding the break-upper
This is so freaking important you guys. Often after a breakup we get so caught up in the anger, sadness, and confusion of it all we fail to think about how the person that broke up with us feels. Understanding how he feels will not only make you feel a little better and less confused but it’ll really help the healing process down the line.
When we are broken up with, we instantly make the person who broke up with us a heartless, mean person. You have to remember that this is not true. You fell in love with that person for a reason so try not to forget about those reasons in the midst of all this. He is probably going through just as much OR EVEN MORE. Yeah I’m not kidding!! It may seem like you’re the sad victim here that was just dumped on the street, but that was hard for them to do. He’s just as confused, maybe even more, and his mind is just so full right now. Think about it, the feelings to break up don’t just accumulate overnight. He was probably thinking about doing this for a while now and it’s hard for him to 1. Hurt you and 2. Leave the comfort of you. Even though he’s the one who wants to break up doesn’t mean he’s not comfortable in the relationship and leaving that behind for the unknown world is scary as fuck.
You’re probably thinking, so why did he leeeeeeave meee :(. Well here comes that part honey. Every relationship is obviously different because every person is different but I’ll try to be general here. He probably left you because he was scared of what he’s missing. He may have felt like he was doing more to make you happy then himself, which isn’t right because everyone should put their OWN happiness first. A lot of the times before a break up, the negatives in the relationship start to come up more than the positives. The person breaking up with you is just focusing on all the negatives right now and it’s distorting his view of the good in the relationship or the reason you were together in the first place. All the good thoughts are being replaced with negative ones and he just needs to get away from that. He just wants to experience the world for himself and see what makes him truly happy. In the end, it may be you, but let’s not sit around and wait for his ass to come back, let’s move on with life!!
BIG RULE NUMBER 1…. NO CONTACT SERIOUSLY HOE
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY. I KNOW YOU’VE SEEN IT IN OTHER POSTS SO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY OR YOU’RE SCREWED. This is especially important if you want to try to get the person back, which we will talk more about later
In two weeks, I broke the no contact rule twice. AND REGRETTED BOTH TIMES SO BAD. Don’t talk to your ex for a MONTH STRAIGHT AT LEAST. You guys I’m seriously not kidding. All you get from breaking the no contact rule is a short, inconsiderate reply that will probably just hurt you more and get you more stuck in feeling like shit. And when you break it, you just have to start all over, so if you hate not talking to him right now, just remember there’s honestly not much to talk about, just yet at least. You probably have a ton to say to that person, but I promise you they don’t want to hear all that right now. They know you love them and probably miss them (BIG NO NO TO SAYING THESE THINGS DURING ANYTIME OF A BREAKUP BTW) and they know you have a lot to say but now is just not the time to say them. Write down and date everything you want to say to the person and just be patient. You’ll either get to say those things one day or you’ll end up ripping up the paper like the relationship, and if the time comes to talking again, you may be surprised at how much of the stuff you wanted to say doesn’t even matter anymore.
No contact is important for both yourself and your ex. If you can show him that you can go so long without talking to him and better yourself in the process, it will make you SO much stronger and more attractive. Plus, he broke up with you remember? If he doesn’t want you in his life, then that’s his loss, walking away with your head high will ALWAYS be a better choice than bothering him/ being needy and desperate. Nobody likes that, even you wouldn’t. So that being said, do not even reply to your ex during no contact. Don’t be rude if you don’t want to be, a short, clear message is always the best idea. Something like “I appreciate you reaching out, but I’m not ready to see you or talk right now”. This puts you in control of the situation and it makes him think soooooooooo much. After not seeing someone that meant so much to you for so long, you have no choice but to miss them and wonder why they suddenly stopped trying for you. Talking will be so much more controlled and better after no contact. All the negativity in the air should be clear and you can now finally tell him all those things you wrote down so long ago.
RULE NUMBER 2: mourning
This part varies in length for everyone. You could be mourning the relationship for two days or two months but either way you have to remember you will get through it!!! And it literally feels soooooooooo good you guys oh my gooooodness. You are undoubtedly going to be sad for a while, but something will get you out of it. For some people it just takes time, for some it takes friends and family, for some it takes a new relationship, and for others (like me) it takes seeing your ex move on. When you genuinely love somebody you really just want them to be happy, so if they are happier and doing whatever tf it was that they couldn’t do with you, it’s actually a huge wake up call. Like okay girl I know you wish you were together but it takes two people to be in a relationship and right now you are just one. You have to get over it because that’s life, it hurts sometimes, but it’s up to you in the end to feel better about it. So yeah cry about it for a couple weeks alone but remember that you have to get to the end of all that. I can’t promise that it’ll stop hurting soon but I promise that you have to make a mental decision to try to feel better if you want to actually feel better. Cry to your mom and best friends NO MORE THAN ONE TO THREE TIMES ALL TOGETHER. You get one to three nights of eating ice cream and talking about your feelings with your people but THAT’S IT. Continually talking about it and bringing it up won’t do anyone any good. Cry into your pillow but pick yourself up in life girl your life isn’t over!!
RULE NUMBER 3: be yoself
Being single is cool because you can hit on guys and actually like flirt and stuff. You can experience whatever you want without having to worry about what your significant other thinks. It’s probably easier to go out with your friends now so go out!! Dress up, do something you love, go to a club, go to a strip club!! Strip clubs are so much fun ya’ll, but I’ll make another post about that one day. Anyway, just figure out what you love and start something you never thought you actually would, for me it was this blog! Focus on school and your job! You can put all your energy into these things and better your grades or career. Go to a party and talk to some cuties. Don’t do anything after a breakup out of some weird after breakup impulse, remember who you actually are and only do things that genuinely make you happy. Time is so limited on this earth so make the most of it. Also, you could work out more and become way hotter. Just a thought..especially if you wanna get back with your ex eventually it might be a good idea to tone yourself up for a few months amiright..
RULE NUMBER 4: Don’t hold any baggage from your past relationship
It’s so easy (especially when you’re the one that still wanted it) to compare every moment in your life to if how much it would be better if he was there, or to compare any boy you meet to your ex, but don’t do this! Everybody in the world is different and don’t let yourself be blinded to the specialness of other or moments in your life just because of somebody missing out on it. And you might think that you are missing out on them being there, but really they are missing out on your life. They are the one that didn’t want to be there so fuck them! In the end, if they regret breaking up with you they will regret missing all those great things, and if they don’t then again, fuck them!! Your life has lost no value by losing an ex, remember that! You can still have a great life and be a confident ass bitch I promise you will be fine and life will always work out the way it was intended.
Possibly getting back together, only after accepting the breakup
And now ladies and gents, for those of us who are finally free of that relationship, accept that life has moved on without that person and you’re good without them, but STILL kinda wanna get back with that person after all this time and self-finding, there is some hope.
I will NEVER guarantee to anybody that you will definitely get back with your ex. If that person doesn’t want you, then that’s it. Sorry bout it. They don’t want you, they’re not worth it, move on. Actually there are 3 situations where your chances of getting back with your ex are slim to none, 1) They do not want you/ love you 2)They are not attracted to you 3) The relationship is damaged beyond repair. If this is your situation, I’m sorry but it’s going to be really hard to get them invested in you again. If not, keep reading.
In order to get your ex back, you have to do everything I mentioned above. You have to show him that you are confident, beautiful, and just fine without him! Think about why you want to get him back though and make sure it’s what’s for the better in life. Also make sure that whatever problem you had was a fixable one, an unfixable problem will never turn into a good relationship. You have to show him that you don’t need him in your life, he needs you. Don’t EVER beg or try to make him give you another chance, this won’t work and this isn’t what you want. Everybody, boy or girl, deserves to be treated like a princess. He has to want you himself and he has to make the decision to come after you, you can’t go after him. That doesn’t mean you can’t reach out to him or react positively when he talks to you after no contact, it means that you can’t throw yourself back into his life and be like I MISS YOU LOVE ME PLEASE because no. That’s what he broke up with. Good things come to those who wait so just be patient and easy going and hopefully everything will work out for you, but again don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t! That’s why we moved on remember? Eventually everything will work out for the better, that is something I promise 🙂