Breaking up is hard to do..

Okay you guys. I seriously didn’t want to make my first actual post about relationships because I just got out of a pretty serious one and I really don’t want to be that miserable sulking bitch that can’t do anything but complain about her sad life (even though I am) buuuut I truly believe that typing these things out will make you feel better. Since I started this blog because of being single now and since my mind is cluttered by the thoughts of all that, I just must write this post now.  I have a few different ideas for posts about relationships and breakups and all that jazz but this one in particular is gonna be a little bit more personal than just a general post. I’m so excited to write those general posts but for this one I’m going to just spill my heart out and tell you my story. sorry. It’ll make me feel better.

So I got into a relationship two years ago that started off because my 17 year old ass wanted to lose my virginity. Yup. That’s a really bad reason to get with someone kids. Don’t fucking do it. Anywaaaaay I pursued this boy because I genuinely did like him, which is something rare for me because I don’t like people easily, and I ended up getting what I wanted. SMH AT ME. After weeks of struggling to define our relationship (since we started off as fuck buddies but gained feeling for each other) we decided to take each other seriously and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Let me tell ya’ll, I fell HARD. For good reason, we worked really well together and connected in lots of different ways like food and tv and weed and just the most mundane things that people don’t usually focus on were elevated so much. I think you guys know that feeling. Some relationships suck, and some are magical but this was like something I literally couldn’t imagine. Again, I bet a lot of you know that feeling. Fast forward through lots of good times, and lots of fights. Some cheating and forgiving and a lot of learning about people through the experience of just being with someone so intimately and putting down all your walls. This is a HARD thing to do and once someone can break into you like that, they become special to you because they’ve done something not many people can do.

So yeah after all the good comes the bad, we broke up and the reasons were mainly my controlling behavior overriding him and making him forget who he is and that’s what makes a break up suck, if you’re the one who’s broken up with. Granted, I did break up with him, but it’s because I knew i wasn’t making him happy and he was making me feel unwanted. It’s not like he didn’t make me happy cause god knows that he did but for both our sakes, we can’t be in a relationship with so much toxicity. But still if I’m going to be completely honest I hope that his life is empty and nothing without me and I hope that he comes crawling back, until that happens (if it does, don’t sit around waiting btw that will get you nowhere) I’m just chilling. It just sucks because our problems are fixable if we both wanted to invest into fixing them, but for now at least, we both aren’t. I don’t believe that we are done just because there is still so much emotion there, but I will keep my breakup journey updated on her. We broke up over the phone two weeks ago and haven’t seen each other since and today we talked over text and he’s moved on so I’m getting my mom to get all my stuff back from him. Yeah I know my mom lol but who else could do it?  Let’s hope I get some dick soon and figure it all out soon

If you are going through a break up just remember to  keep your head up and look at all the positives in the world! I know that other person was great, but there is tons of other great things in your life and people that will come and go. With time, everything will work out how it’s intended

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